All my school life I strived to be the best. I at least tried to be. But now , I have lost myself in the years. I'm searching for the old version of me -- the ambitious one , the optimistic one , the brave one.
Where am I ? What am I doing ? Is it worth sacrificing all my precious youth for this ? Should I have chosen a different career path ? All these questions ponder my brain now.
From a young age , I wasn't accustomed to many failures. I didn't know how the failures tasted. But last year , my first failure - failing to clear the UPSC prelims , was like a tornado hit upon me , demolishing me from within. I blamed myself heavily on the process. I blamed myself for everything. I didn't feel like doing anything and just watched movies on Netflix all day.
Then, I appeared for many other competitive exams like TNPSC and SSC.
Guess what... I failed in those too.
I couldn't accept it. All my friends are well settled now , and I still feel so stagnant in my life. I didn't feel independent. I didn't feel courageous. I didn't feel anything. I felt so empty from within.
Then , I read this beautiful quote on Google ,
This quote saved me. I realised that I have changed emotionally-- substantially . After a few months, I couldn't believe myself.
I have become more braver now, more outspoken now. And, I have this discreet confidence lingering in me all the times.
Sometimes, all my body needs is rest. I have realised that, it's okay to be quiet and do nothing and sleep -- step away from all the chaos for sometime. It kinda relaxes me overall.
And now , even though, failures taste bitter, I won't be able to avoid them in my whole life completely. It's a part and parcel of this beautiful process. Failures made me what I am today. I thank my failures for it, and decided to move on to be the " better me ".
Even though the whole world wouldn't believe me, I will believe in me and trust my process -- for sure.
For , hope is being able to see the light in all the darkness.
I'm in the process of learning to embrace my failures. And , I strongly believe, you will too.
